the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
already gone ~ January 5, 2007 - 9:16 p.m. nate whispering in clare's ear, that last ecstatic scene... you can't take a picture of this, it's already gone. things fall apart, they do. and it's a time like that. shift and change, chaos and creation. even as the world changes- so do we. We become more ourselves. Stronger, more sensitive. jeffrey and I, texting each other like we would have done seven years ago if text had become a verb yet then. instead, we called each other. sometimes several times a day. I was on unemployment, discovering the festival circuit and spending a lot of time dancing in the sun. I lazed in the backyard hammock sunshine one afternoon, having a long meandering talk with jeffrey, and I was so relaxed, so happy... I looked down at the tickle on my feet, and found about six bees, drinking the sweat from between my toes. I giggled like a queen of sweet excess. how I felt, in my love, in the beginning. I wish I'd written more about him when I was in that ecstatic space, where my heart was open and all things possible. it all was so brief and sweet and shiny. he even said I could, now that I've in my maturity and wisdom begun to ask this of my lovers and to listen to the answers. whether I can tell their stories, our stories, here. open this intimate space out to the world. he said I could write about him, and even use his name. jesse, my blue-eyed boy, my sweet love. we're saying goodbye. not to each other and not to love, because connection is and the love is real-- but to that moment of ecstatic sweetness, that flashing ember of all things possible cradled for a moment in two pairs of hands. our paths do carry us on, swifter even than the imagination can hold space for, here in these times. it all goes so fast. you can't take a picture of this, it's already gone. he and I, both of us crying over the phone. I love you so much, he whispers. I can see his eyes, feel him ache to put his arms around me. this is us, here in this moment. us in the moment of goodbye. and with only love for each other. arms, eyes, love, goodbye... blessings all, each in their way. heartache is... surrendering the dreams in their sweetness and silken colors is like watching flower petals fall away from an exotic that was fresh just yesterday. but it all flashes by so quickly, and there's so much work to do, and it's not as though it's the first time, for me with heartache. growing in so many directions, deepening and stretching... it's all just changing so fast. the world is at once smaller and larger than you imagine. it's all happening.
(((rings))) |