the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
things fall apart ~ may 5, 2001 - 8:11 p.m. I'm leaving, he tells me. I'm leaving california. his response to the news that mt. madonna is not granting his extension to stay at the yoga center. that, due to conflicts and tensions and behind-the-scenes maneuverings of which he was unaware, he is being asked to leave at the end of the session. at the end of the week. an end of things. he doesn't know what to do. he was growing, learning so much. he'd finally found a place where he felt safe, where he could begin to open up and explore his heart. and now he's being asked to leave. it's not right. it's just not right. I'm terrified that I am part of the cause. that my illicit presence there was part of their decision. but. I can't take it back. he deserves another chance. if they really believe in community, they should give him the opportunity to grow through the conflicts they've just now communicated to him. give him a chance to learn what it means to put the community first. instead, they've kicked him out. he's devastated, he doesn't know where to go or what to do. I'm leaving california. he lived on the streets for a year before he found his place there. he says he won't go back. he can't. he's leaving. leaving. and the grown-up-spiritual-warrior-self of me says go, do what you need to do, follow your path... and the scared-lonely-lost-little-girl-self of me who has been so present in my life and my heart lately, even before this news, who is so terrified of losing love, of being alone, of being left behind-- she screams and cries and wails. lets loose torrents of uncontrollable tears. she collapses on the floor and keens as if she's lost everything, as if her whole world is falling apart. don't go she cries don't leave me alone.
(((rings))) |