the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
enough for now ~ July 2, 2003 - 10:50 p.m. second day of summer school, and life is good so far. I have a lot of 13- and 14-year-olds in my class, along with three of my regular fourth graders. we're just starting to roll. I'm enjoying being around teenagers again. lao boy came over last night, and I broke down crying. I really hadn't meant to. I need you to give me one good reason to stay, I told him, because I'm this close to giving up on you completely. and he basically laid it out that the reason he's been so far away and strange is because of heavy family stuff that he doesn't want to talk about outside the family. and it's a cultural thing. one of the main conflicts between us. and I told him how hard it is for me to feel close to someone when I don't even know what the hell is going on in their life. and we talked about our cultural differences, and how hard they make things sometimes. and he told me that he loves me, he really does, he always has. he told me he still wants this. and so, I decided, again-- to stay for now. I can live with getting so little of what I need from him. for now. I don't know why. maybe I just can't stay away from this man. I threw a tarot reading a few nights ago, asking if he really loves me. the reading basically laid everything out and said that nothing will get resolved, and I'll never really know. and it's funny how much that made me feel better. because that's what this feels like. one of those things. where you dig the hell out of someone, and have this intensity you don't want to walk away from, but none of it makes that much sense and you just do it until you just don't anymore. and he doesn't make me feel sick and scared like the last boyfriend. I don't think we'll be together for too long. but there's enough in it to make me want to stay, with very low expectations, and just enjoy what's there, when it's there. enough for now.
(((rings))) |