the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
panic and blessings... ~ December 10, 2002 - 12:16 a.m. it's been hard for me to check in lately... everything is in such a chaotic state, and at the moment I'm staying at patrick's place in the middle of nowhere. which has been a blessing, a refuge. there are good people and sweet homespace here. on sunday we had a blessingway for shawna's third baby, due in less than a month now. everyone in the community here is gearing up for it. we had a circle, each person sharing a bead and a blessing for the birth, and we were all more or less crying by the end. jared, the babies' papa, turned to shawna and blessed her with all of his heart, and then said I love you, in a half-whisper and with such intensity that all of our hearts leapt to our throats and the tears just overflowed. such love, in this place. and I needed to share that with them, to come out of myself for a time and be in a sacred and loving space. I've been awfully wrapped up in my own chaos, and so overwhelmed that I've become badly depressed. it's all coming together now, but I was pretty freaked out for a while there. I just kept reminding myself that it would all be okay, that somehow it always is. because I had all of this stuff to deal with, both task stuff and literal stuff. I was finally able to liberate my stuff from scary ex-boy's house, now that he's moved out. I'm glad to have my stuff back, but it was hellish to realize that now I had three times as many possessions to deal with in my homeless, no-car-having, one-handed state. I gave huge bags of it to the goodwill, and breathed a sigh of relief as I did. jennifer, who is an absolute angel in my life right now, is helping me sell some of it on eBay. that, along with the sale of the bike, should give me enough for a ticket to laos. and it looks like the bike will sell, hopefully tomorrow, to this nice guy I met today. he's psyched to take it on as a project, and he knows it's a good deal. so it's all coming together, see? I'm beginning to feel the weight lifting, as I release my panic. things are still feeling hard, and probably will until I get on the train to wisconsin, but I'm starting to know, once again, that it's all going to be okay.
(((rings))) |