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my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band

...the ones I love best... when it all comes down ~ April 20, 2005 - 1:18 a.m. first of the springtime thunderstorms rumbling through, aussie dog curled up in the corner with her sad-dog eyes. she hates it when it rains. the band came to town and then left again, a brief and brilliant weekend. so strange to have them here, in my own hometown. they never play milwaukee. he came to spend the night on my couch, with the idea that we'd catch up and cuddle, but then girlfriend/fiance was having a hard time, so he spent the night on his cell. we went out to breakfast, though, after both of us oversleeping, and had a moment before they left sweet enough to make it all worthwhile. i was sitting on the trunk of my car, in the parking lot of the perkins where the band was gathering to hit the road. sitting on the trunk of my car and he was leaning back between my knees, my arms draped around his neck and hands resting on his heart. snuggled soft into his shoulder and grinned into the sunshine, he and i singing "the river" by bruce springsteen. me and mary we met in high school, she was just seventeen, we'd drive out of the valley, down to where the fields were green... sweet. that first of the feeling-like-springtime days. music and love all around me. the fiddle player goofing with the sound guy and he and i just singing away in the sunshine. and then they hit the road, and not too long after i was sick, again. a sinus infection that turned into an ear infection, a fugue state of fevered enervation that went on for days. my folks were out of town, so i took over their house and spent my days at the tv, thai soup for dinner and antibiotics for dessert. i was grounded from flying for most of the week on doctor's orders, and so i cuddled with the cat and watched reruns of everything, building fires in the fireplace to feel a little less alone. and now i'm coming back. started work again on thursday, went back to yoga class yesterday. my energy is still low, but i'm getting there. and it's all just piling up right now. sickness and moneystress and workstress. my car needs muffler work i can't pay for. likewise my registration needs renewal by the end of the month, and i can't pay for that. because of miscommunication between my doctor and my insurance company, one of my medical bills is for over 2,000 dollars. and i know it's all going to come together, that it all just feels so much larger than life because i'm coming back from being sick and i'm still just so tired. so for now i'm just trying not to think too hard. dealing with one thing at a time. feeling grateful that i've got food in the house and gas in my car, and a yoga studio where i can go to practice even when the money runs out. remembering how much music there is, and how much love. really it's a lot, when it all comes down to it. previously... * and then... (((rings)))