the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
and the dance and the air and the light... ~ January 21, 2006 - 2:39 p.m. she's ditched me again. i find this very, very funny. anytime me and angie go somewhere, i come home alone. she's easily distractable. but today. it's an interesting day. it feels like everything's on fire around me lately, everyone's in crisis. i took angie to the ER for pains in her head so bad she thought she was dying. I took my other housemate's cat, brutus, to the vet after he tangled with the big-ass next door neighbor cat and lost. and through it all i just keep doing my thing. i had the interview for the job i wanted so bad i could taste it, and i didn't get it. i came very close, though, and got a deeply complementary letter from the guy telling me so. and last night, i went to dance jam. went to dance jam and one of my old sweet loves was at the door, and there were folks i remembered all over the floor and i danced and i danced and i danced. shook a lot of things loose. danced, too, with the sweet DJ i had a crush on from years ago. i'd vibed him before way back when, but he had the energy of one either settled or gay, so i enjoyed his energy without ever reching in to find where it leads. and last night, i reached. reached out in a real way i realized i haven't been. and funny how you never realize how truly you've been keeping everyone at arm's distance until you decide you no longer want to be. his energy, last night, no longer settled, nor neither gay. but warm and surprised and reaching for mine. and we danced and we danced, and i felt my fears rising up hard and sharp inside me, and i think it was not until then that i realized just how hard and sharp those things can be. so i pulled away, from time to time, and danced with my own fears, my own darkness. danced the story of the demons i wrestle with, the weight that i carry. danced everything i didn't know how to say. i danced until it all came down and i curled on the cushions in a sleepy daze. and he curled warm and close beside me. and then again, up in the chairs, curled around each other and learning the feel of this energy for what felt like hours, before i drew my sleepy self away and home to bed. and today, i'm just dreamy. everyone smiles at me today, everyone sees my dreamy eyes and wants to crawl inside. days like this are good. all of it and the believing in things. a long cool sweet afternoon with sunlight and shifting clouds, and a world for once not feeling on fire.
(((rings))) |