the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
this dying thing... (phase one) ~ March 27, 2006 - 6:02 p.m. sometimes I feel like I'm dying. I don't know how to explain this. I don't know how to talk about this. this is secret, this dying thing. because, this could be hypochondria-- I do have that streak, from time to time... I imagine things as dire when they are mundane, and passing. But my body's signals are getting harder and harder for me to decipher in any ways that make sense to me. I can't keep my hands off my abdomen, because I can't understand what I'm feeling in there. the soreness in my hip is getting pronounced enough to give me an occasional limp. and no matter how much I tell myself I'm healthy and fine, that I'm just releasing energy blocks, the fear grows larger as the sensations continue. I don't even know what my body is supposed to feel like any more. And I think I've just made a decision. I'm going to get in my car and take myself to the emergency room. I'm not going to tell anyone I'm doing this. no one but you. it's hundreds or thousands of dollars in mistake if I'm making one, but I've been running from the fear for too long. it's time to make them tell me if something's really wrong here. wish me luck. I'll check in later.
(((rings))) |