the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
hurricane memories... ~ 2000-12-17 - 20:24:19 the big easy. yep, I'm in new orleans, and it's really trippy to be back here. I've only been in new orleans once before, when I was 18. me and my friend jenny came down here for new year's eve, staggering drunkenly from 1991 to 1992. that was smack dab in the middle of the winter I usually refer to as "the bottom of my life", as in that bottom you have to hit in order to realize that the road you're on leads straight to hell, and you're already more than halfway there. I was out of control... alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, sex, I could never get enough. I was hungry, and at that point in my life I was seeking as many extremes as I could, because it was damn hard to feel much of anything. a lot of the time I was just numb. I was dating the most fucked up of men in a downward spiral of men, and cheating on him constantly because I had no self control. hungry, oh yes. don't get me wrong, I had a great time in new orleans when I was 18, but my memories are blurry and surreal. the party began on the train ride down, we met a bunch of hippies from california and some folks from elsewhere, and we partied all night long on the way down... drank until the club car closed and then snuck into the women's bathroom to get high, all of us packed in there and passing around three different bowls at once. we spent the night on the observation deck-- the kind with a glass ceiling so that you're under the stars-- listening to the dead, talking and laughing. we damn near got kicked off the train. the train was the infamous "city of new orleans", and the song ran through my head the whole time: nighttime on the city of new orleans... then we pulled in to the station, found our hotel, and hit bourbon street with a resounding whack! nonstop craziness from there. jenny kept getting mad at me for making out with strange men. at some point, she said "wow, Kelly-- I knew you were fucked up, but I didn't know you were this fucked up." she told me later that it was in new orleans that she decided I was a lost cause. walking along bourbon street last night, the ghost of the girl I was then haunted me... maybe it's the hungry energy that pervades everything in this place. I wanted to drink. I rarely want to drink, I haven't had one in 8 years. not since just a few months after my new orleans adventure, as a matter of fact. I still love to party, and I do have a vice or two, but alcohol is no longer a part of my world. I don't like who I am when I drink. I do sometimes think about it. I have something of a fantasy about going on a drunk after all these years, but it's not really a pleasant fantasy. it would take something major to push me there. the death of someone I love. something like that. I'd start with a shot of vodka, light a cigarette, and take it from there. I used to call it "going on a mission". the nights when the goal was to get as fucked up as possible before passing out. there were three kegs, two bands, and a couple hundred people at my 18th birthday party. oh, yes, that was a different world. so I'm getting to know new orleans again in a different light. I'm not so hungry now, although I'm haunted from time to time by the girl who was. I feel an awful lot these days. I still hang out in bars, and if the company's good (oh YES, I had a fantastic time in austin), I can have a rockin' time without a single drink. it doesn't bug me that my friends drink, and I'm glad they have fun doing it. I'm not sure where this road I'm on leads, but I do know that it's filled with a whole lot of light. me and nick are going to an open mic tonight, and I'm going to try to get a hold of my friend mike. mike's known on the squatter scene as mikronaut, and he's my oldest friend. I've known him since I was 4. there's something about someone who's known you that long-- he knows me in a way that most people can't. he's in new orleans, and I just got his number from his mom back in milwaukee. god, I love my friends... and I'm finding more people to love all the time. yeah, I'm digging on the road.
(((rings))) |