my amazon wish list...
my favorite astrologer...
my favorite artist...
yerba mate revolution!
erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys...
no more war:
MoveOn.org
United for Peace and Justice
True Majority
seek the truth:
Common Dreams
Unamerican Activities
The Nation
people I adore, diaries I read:
rev.raikes
ariana
cubiclegirl
epiphany
glitter333
laurakay
wammo
the music:
the asylum street spankers
backyard tire fire
blue highway
bill camplin
wendy colonna
freedom tribe
joules graves
guy forsyth band
hamsa lila
hanuman
libby kirkpatrick
leftover salmon
pamela means
medeski martin & wood
the motet
the nice outfit
nickel creek
open road
rose polenzani
railroad earth
south austin jug band
string cheese incident
taarka
tha musemeant
the devil makes three
tim o'brien band
trolley
wild sage
keller williams
yonder mountain string band
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...the ones I love best...
how to dismantle an atomic bomb ~
November 26, 2004 - 12:53 a.m.
thanksgiving, and i don't know what to say.
i am grateful for so much.
and also, don't yet know where i am.
listening to the new u2 album online. i've been strangely attached to u2 this year. i say strangely, because i haven't thought one way or another about u2 for many years. i liked them when i was in high school, but lost active interest somewhere around "where the streets have no name". got so tired of that damn video. still, i enjoyed rattle and hum, and zooropa, but just stopped listening somewhere around the age of 19. something about the song "beautiful day" grabbed me though, brought u2 back into my world. especially after i heard the line you've been all over/ and it's been all over you... that was my theme song in lao, after i bought the sony japan release of all that you can't leave behind. then i bought the best of: 1990-2000 at a cd store in galway, to listen to in my gold peugeot rental car as i tooled around the country roads of ireland in the rain. blasting "electrical storm". that cd wrapped itself around my heart and wouldn't let go. in the nearly a year since that trip to ireland, i've just about worn that cd out. i just started listening to the second disc of that set, the one with all the b-sides and remixes. "summer rain" kicks my ass. and their version of "happiness is a warm gun".
listening to the lyrics, it becomes very clear that bono is a)pagan b)smart, sensitive and deep as all hell, and c)someone i could fall in love with in a heartbeat.
yes, we know that music is what i have instead of a love life these days.
i'm seriously considering laying out $150 for the new digital box set with over 400 songs. and right now i'm listening to how to dismantle an atomic bomb via streaming audio on u2.com.
blah blah blah. see, i have no one to talk to about u2 and how the music makes me feel.
did i mention i don't know where i am? scattered as all hell tonight.
the other thing that has my interest media-wise right now is lost. the best thing on tv right now. my whole family's watching it. my dad tapes it off the tivo, passes the tapes on to my sister, who passes the tapes on to me. it's smart and deep and interesting, and presses all my post-apocalypse buttons. group of random people dropped into a survival situation together, in a place where the lines between the mystical and the real are breaking down. no one really knows what's going on, but all of them are smack up against their own natures and grappling with their demons, figuring out how to live with their own selves as well as each other. making peace with their pasts and finding the gifts each journey has left them with, understanding those gifts only when taken out of context of everything they've ever known.
so i guess what i'm doing lately is living off the art which speaks to my spirit and my mind, both. if i have a wish or a prayer this thanksgiving, it's that this will translate into active creation of art which expresses both. heart and mind, a line, branching.
if bono can do it, so can i.
also, i am seeing doctors, finally. scraping together all the money i have for co-payments and uncovered expenses as i get the help i need to bring my system back into balance. in the next week, i have an appointment with an MD, a naturopath, and an acupuncturist.
among other things, i have a scary burning itching rash which developed in my armpit over the last few weeks. this, the latest in the series. with the chronic fatigue, the muscle aches, the ongoing sinus infection. i am finally reaching out for help, and feeling good about it. there is a victory in realizing that this is larger than what i can do on my own, in reaching out to find what i need.
this, an incoherent beginning. so much to tell you. be patient, it'll all take shape.
previously... * and then...
(((rings)))
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