the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
breathing in ~ October 25, 2004 - 12:27 a.m. so much has been happening, and yet so little in my life has actually changed. everything feels so deep and raw and startlingly real, and yet it all rushes by in a blur. i've been sick again. so very weary of that. weary of the lack of energy, the bone-deep exhaustion which makes it hard for me to find the energy for all the things which make my life happy and healthy and good. i've got words boiling around me needing to be written, and yet i come home from work and sleep and sleep and sleep. i used my health insurance for the first time, though, and that was a revelation. i was just coming off the sick. i'd been in bed for five days, and then i went back to work for three. my work, remember, involves being on airplanes all day while they take off and land and pressurize and depressurize. the pressure was wreaking havoc with my congested ears, and by the second day i couldn't clear the right one at all. my captain convinced me to call in for my last couple of flights and go to a doctor to get my ears checked. you can do yourself some damage if you keep flying with bad ears. so i went, and it was a revelation. just looked up a clinic that took my insurance and went. showed them my little card. got right in to see a very cool doctor who peeked in my ears and wrote me a prescription for a hardcore decongestant which has changed my world. wasn't treated like a charity case with a bad smell. and all i had to lay out was a ten dollar co-pay for the drugs. we should all have health insurance. john kerry knows this. these things happened too... i waited in an auditorium with 2,600 clear-thinking folks who leapt to their feet and roared when michael moore took the stage. we cheered and hollered as he said all kinds of really good things about the state of the world we live in and the need to get the hell out and vote for john kerry. and i thought, this is a time we will always remember, and we will know that we were part of history. our kids will ask us about this time, about what it was like to be here. and it's all happening right now. i know we'll remember this as a dark time in american politics. how we remember it-- as the storm before sunrise or as the depths of the darkness-- will all depend on what happens on november second. and what happens after that. but this i know: more people are actively thinking about the state of the world and where they stand in it than i've ever known before. this we'll always remember. my musicians have been feeding me lately, keeping me warm and alive as the cold town i live in moves further from the sun. yonder mountain came to madison, and i drove an hour and a half to dance at their feet, packed in with sweaty drunk wisconsin kids a decade younger than me and all of us lifted by the music, all of us in a crazy dancing freak in the pit. i have my own private fantasy that jeff sees me there, his mando dancing me wild, i swear that he makes eye contact as he sinks deep into his groove, and at the end of the show he threw a bunch of flowers into the crowd, i raised up my arms, and they landed right in my hands. like he'd thrown them right to me. and i thought see, magic is possible. even in wisconsin. even here. and i flew in from toronto friday night to the news that my crush's band was playing, ran home and changed, made it to the bar just as they took the stage. midway through the first song his eyes caught me in the crowd and he grinned at me through a mouthful of lyrics. these are the moments which feed me. i met his girlfriend that night, and greeted her warmly, with an open heart. i am making my peace with the universe's need for me to walk alone on this stretch of road. i'm feeding myself on sweet chords and warm eyes, soft hugs and flowers landing in my arms. i'm feeling myself connected to this world and this moment in history. i'm breathing in the mystery of it all.
(((rings))) |