the old-school guestbook archives
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blessings on the head of joss whedon ~ October 21, 2003 - 12:27 a.m. let's talk about buffy the vampire slayer. because anyone who's interacted with me since my return to the states knows that it's my new obsession. and it's funny, really. I never really got buffy, when it was on. I tried it a couple of times, but it didn't really grab me, so I just ignored it. I usually don't own a tv, either. for as long as I lived in california, tv was like snow and family-- something I went to visit, rather than something I lived with. I blame it all on ariana. thank you, love. ariana owns the first four seasons of buffy on dvd. and I picked it up while I was housesitting, just as something to put on for company while I ate my dinner. and then I got completely. utterly. sucked in. and if you don't watch buffy, you don't know. but if you watch buffy-- then you know. that show is seriously deep. so thick with metaphors it sometimes leaves me gasping. and as the seasons progress, it gets deeper, and darker and more intense. as if you're crawling through all the darkest corners of your own heart. I watched all of the first four seasons of buffy in california, in that indescribable stretch of time between laos and milwaukee. I wrapped myself in it so thickly that it felt almost like a disease sometimes. but it was after I came here that I started to be able to understand. what it meant to me. what was happening inside me while I watched it. because buffy. she's just this girl. who's been gifted and cursed with a strength that often feels too heavy to carry. who battles demons and vampires (enery suckers) on a daily basis. who has everything she loves most deeply torn away from her, again and again. who feels to her core a responsibility to use her power to fight the darkness, even though she is beaten and battered on a regular basis and it feels like a losing battle most of the time. even though she gets so tired that she sometimes feels only the most tenuous thread holding her to this world. again and again, she chooses the world. in spite of herself. buffy gives me a language for some of the things which are happening inside of me. FX is somewhere towards the end of season six right now. one, two, or three episodes every weekday, depending on their schedule. I catch them on the tivo, then watch during breakfast. some episodes I save to watch again after dark. some episodes I watch twice in a row. sometimes it's just a scene, catching every dynamic of the action. I'm fascinated by the dynamics of her relationship with spike. not to mention the expressions that cross his face. he's such a damn good actor. they all are. and they've grown so deeply into their characters over the years. it's a television show, I know. but right now it's expressing things I need to hear. making me feel things I need to feel. I've had this problem with a kind of detached numbness... buffy could tell you all about it. I needed to write about this, but I guess it's kind of silly. if you don't get it, you're not gonna... and if you already know-- well then you know.
(((rings))) |