the old-school guestbook archives
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cravings ~ June 28, 2004 - 10:08 p.m. i just worked for eight days straight without a break, six days of flying bordered by two long waitressing shifts, and i am exhausted to the core. flying still exhausts me in a deep, full-body kind of way. your whole physiology changes when you spend so much time in the air. i still love it. i even crave it, on my days off. but it is, truly, exhausting. i really didn't want to get up and wait tables for ten hours today, but money is spread very thin right now, and this shift meant the difference between being able to pay my bills and eat, and not. i'm flying a lot right now, but that time won't catch up to my paychecks until the middle of july. and so, i work. more than i should. especially since i've been coming down with a cold. and i am so frustrated with my continued ill health. really and truly. it's been so long since i've felt truly well. and there's so many people i am dying to talk to. e-mails to write, letters, phone calls to make. and i am just. so. tired. that i can't seem to manage it. and tomorrow i have a day off, and hopes for catching up to some of the rest of my life, but there's so much to catch up on that i'm quite sure that one day's not going to do it. but. july will be more low-key. i'm on reserve for july, airline-speak for being on call, so i'll only fly as much as they need me. and maybe i'll have some more time to rest, and play, and talk, and write, and meditate. and everything else i've been wishing so hard for. actualization, please. i love flying, i love my job. but there's so much more that i need. pieces of me crying out to be fed. cravings, desires, wishes. i'm a greedy girl. there's so much more that i want. wish me well.
(((rings))) |