the old-school guestbook archives
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discipline and the good life ~ April 9, 2002 - 9:21 a.m. I lost an entry last night, because either diaryland or the local net connection was being squirrely. that's okay, it wasn't all that hot of an entry anyway, just me being tired and adjusting to my new world and stuff. I've been thinking about discipline lately, discipline being something like my biggest buggaboo this time around. I've been struggling with it in various forms all my life, and I have the feeling that if I could just get this one thing, everything else would fall into place. of course, I know that kind of thinking is a fallacy. there is no one thing that makes everything fall into place. everything falls apart, all the time. it's the nature of samsara, and really the best thing you can do is learn how to let go. but. anyway. discipline. I know it's something I need more of in my life. I know it's something I've been struggling with for a long time. and I realized, yesterday morning: all discipline is, is a series of choices. you are continually being given the opportunity to choose between what you want and what you know you need. like yesterday, the teacher didn't show up for my yoga class in the morning. I wanted to go back to bed. instead, I did some pranayam and meditated. the teacher still didn't show, so I made the choice again; I could do some asana, or I could go back to bed. that time, I chose to go back to bed. I'm being kind to myself. discipline is something I'm building, I don't expect to be perfect. there's something grim about the expectation of perfection. today I got up early to meditate before my asana class. then it turned out that class was cancelled. so this time I made the more disciplined choice, I stayed and practiced asana on my own. and I thought: the heart of discipline is what you do when the teacher's not there. so anyway. that's what I've been thinking about lately. we're in the clouds again today. we were yesterday, too. there's a silky, sweet feeling to the air in the middle of a cloud. we had sunshine a couple of days ago, though. it was gorgeous up here. I stretched out on a lounge chair on the deck outside my room and basked in the sun like a cat. I listened to the bees zzzzzing their little songs, and watched a hummingbird sipping nectar from the flowers. life continues to be good.
(((rings))) |