the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
fucking tired ~ October 7, 2001 - 12:46 a.m. fuck. everytime I think we're in a good place, something happens to make me wonder if anything is worth this struggle. the minute things get hard, he shuts down, he ditches out emotionally. tonight he even ditched out physically. I can make an educated guess as to where he is-- asleep in the truck. he left wearing only his drawers, so I doubt he's gone any further than that. I'm left here alone. I'm used to that, though. way too used to that. why do I believe this struggle is worthwhile? because I can see the beauty of his spirit, shining out from under the piles of shit his father laid on him, from between the bars of the cages he builds for himself. because, for some reason I believe that it's my job to stick this out, that I can walk this storm with him in a way that no one else could. because I've been there. and because a woman who loved me more than anything (who loved me too damn much, more than she loved herself) walked this storm with me. because I would not be who I am today without her. because I believe in who he can be. because I am strong enough, I am tough enough, and because in loving him I am healing myself. I just get so goddamn tired. fuck.
(((rings))) |