the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
the grandfather in my living room ~ May 16, 2003 - 6:49 p.m. exhausted. so happy for the weekend. I'm writing more because I feel like I should than because I have anything to say. wesak is happening, and to celebrate, I cleaned the shrines in my house. these came with the house when I moved in, one in the living room and one in my bedroom. from the looks of it, neither had been tended to for a long, long time-- thick layers of dust, cobwebs-- and this has been bothering me since I moved in. so last night I bought a couple of the lovely marigold garlands that people make and sell for altars, and got down to it. cleaned them well and good, made offerings of water, flowers, incense, tea, and candles. did some space clearing, some prayer. the space clearing made me really conscious of just how much stagnant energy there is in my house. no wonder I've been having such a struggle with my practice lately. there's one room-- the spare bedroom-- that I still don't even like to go into. I don't know why, but the energy in there is just really fucked up. it's hard, because that's the room I want for sacred space, a meditation-and-yoga room. but it's going to need some major clearing first. a project over a period of time, I think. I wanted to do something with it last night, but I was so exhausted after doing the two shrines (I got done at about 2 am), that I just couldn't. I walked in there, and I think that was the first time I really realized how bad it felt in there. I thought I'd just been staying out of there out of guilt for my own lack of spiritual discipline lately. but the fact is, it feels downright icky. so, it'll take some work. I can do that. my house already feels much better, now that I've tended to the shrines. the one in the living room I am really curious about. it's an old photo of and older man, and it's been restored. the print is smooth, but it looks as though the original was once torn or creased through the middle. he looks grim and haggard, but it's not traditional for asian people to smile in photos, so they often look grim to me. I assume that he's an ancestor of le's or her husband's, but I haven't asked about him yet. I took him down off the wall and carefully took apart the frame to clean the accumulated grime and cobwebs. he looked so forlorn, and I wondered what kind of hell he'd lived through. behind the photo was a folded envelope with something inside that I didn't dare to open. not my business. and behind that, a piece of cardboard with a picture pasted to it that looked like it had been cut out of a magazine. a teenage asian girl with braids, wearing a sweatshirt with an american flag that said "USA since 1996". I wondered about these things as I cleaned, and carefully assembled it all again. and then I made my offerings, calling him grandfather in my prayers, because I do feel linked to this spirit in some way. this elder man whose shrine occupies the central room in my home. it's by his good graces that I have refuge there, and I felt a certain responsibility to respect that. I made my offerings, my prayers, cleared his shrine. offered up a wish that all wounds may be healed, that his family may be blessed. offered gratitude for the shelter given me. and today my house feels so much better. the buddha shrine in the bedroom fairly glows. and grandfather... I'd swear it-- he looks happier.
(((rings))) |