the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
letting go of the stuff and hard lessons learned ~ July 21, 2002 - 4:25 p.m. okay, I'm back. sorry I've been out of touch the last few days... I was working on a big project-- researching thailand, actually, for this little non-profit I've been doing volunteer work for. a little non-profit that may actually send me to thailand... oh, but I'm not resting my hopes on it. daydreaming, yes, fantasizing... I should know within the next few weeks what's happening with that. I'll let you know. I've been pretty happy lately, pretty excited. it feels like there's a lot of amazing opportunities right at my fingertips lately... this morning I did have a bit of a freakout... largely about money, which is in short supply-- and I'm trying to get up to washington to see clare and the new baby next week, and there's all these things that need to get paid for and I just don't know how it's all going to come together... but somehow it will, and I'm feeling a lot calmer now. a sweet friend is going to lend me use of her credit card so that I can hook up with a cheap priceline ticket to go see clare, so that helps a lot. one less thing to worry about. I love priceline, by the way. I've gotten amazing deals on plane fares through them, especially last-minute stuff. if you can be flexible about what time of day you fly, there's no beating it. I thought about making the clare trip a motorcycle adventure, but I'm just not prepared enough for it. I'd need a roadside assistance plan, and a new helmet, and some extra cash in case of a breakdown, and it's just not happening right this minute. one of these days, though... I'd love to take that ride up 101, along the coast... the big thing that freaked me out today, though-- was that I finally got around to digging through those boxes I brought back from what's-his-name's house after last week's nightmare... and I realized that I'm missing a lot more stuff than I thought I was. not just the propane stove, not just the lantern. there's a whole bunch of stuff that was floating around loose on the shelves that were designated to me in that basement-- and I don't have any of it. I'm guessing that he threw it all into some kind of container, which somehow I missed in the middle of all the nightmarish hysteria. and you know, I'd just let it all go-- and I guess I'll have to-- but some of it was really important to me. like: the master of my spoken word CD and every copy of it that I had. meaning: I no longer have a spoken word CD. like: the really nice and expensive camera my mom gave me a couple of years ago. who knows when I'll ever be able to afford another one. like all kinds of stuff which is now just-- gone. gifts from my mother, irreplaceable things. it's not like I can call him up as if he were a reasonable human being and say hey, do you know what happened to my stuff? probably he's thrown it away by now, or burned it, expensive camera and all. it's the spoken-word CD that hurts the most. twelve hours in a professional recording studio-- gone. no way of replacing it. I don't even know how to think about it without wanting to cry hysterically. and all because I was with the wrong guy for a while. sometimes those life lessons are really hard-learned.
(((rings))) |