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...the ones I love best...
lifted ~
March 14, 2005 - 5:50 p.m.
i slept amazingly well last night. long and hard, walking dreamworld roads that left me feeling sweet and peaceful. i only remember bits and snatches of my dreams.
i know that i dreamed of one of my loves, deepest and sweetest of my maybe somedays. the one i'll probably wait another lifetime or two for.
in the dream i followed him through the house, hand under his shirt, pressed soft and warm to the skin of his belly, just over his second chakra. and we walked by his partner, her frightened eyes following us, and i wanted to tell her don't be afraid.
i want to tell her that a lot, in real life.
because the love between he and i is deep and sweet and wild, and if not for their partnership and her need for solace and safe space, he and i would be lovers in a moment, pushing through the thin skin between us and tasting only light.
but his love for her is strong and fertile, and his choosing of their connection above all others is a way in which he is growing even stronger still, and i have great love for him and the light he finds with her. i cannot explain to her that a love this strong wishes happiness for him even in the arms of another. could never in a hearbeat wish them harm.
and so her eyes are frightened when the two of us meet, as we do only once a year if even that. as we wrap our arms around each other and laugh, drinking in the light of each other's eyes. you are safe, i want to tell her, want to hold her hand and squeeze and make it all come out right. but her fear and my adoration raise the walls between us, and to this day i've never but in the barest of moments been able to reach her heart.
and so, in the dream. i followed him, drawn along by the warmth of his skin, the depths of his heart. and her frightened eyes followed us up the stairs. and in the attic of a house filled with music and friends he opened a case and brought out his guitar as i drew away my hand. and we were connected heartwise and warm as he sang his songs and i curled inside his music and wished for her the peace of knowing that this love of mine and his holds no harm for her in the softness of its gaze and the true of its depths. that it lives in this place of light and heart and friendship, and not in the shadows of hunger and betrayal.
i woke up feeling lifted to the sky.
previously... * and then...
(((rings)))
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