the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
house of sand and fog ~ June 21, 2003 - 10:16 p.m. I've had a funny day. good, I think. sometimes it's just hard to tell. I've been hooked on the book I started yesterday, house of sand and fog. my dad told me about this one, thought I might like it, but it's taken me a while to get around to it. it's the kind of thing that happens, with the limited and random selection in the two english-language bookshops here. you see something and say oh yeah, dad said that was good... I can't seem to put the thing down. I was up all night with it, until the roosters next door were crowing and sunlight was coming in my bedroom window. I think it's the protagonist, kathe. there's something about the particular way in which she becomes unhinged that strikes a chord with me. it's not intense oh my god that's me! identification, but there's something there that moves me, that describes some aspect of myself I don't always want to look at. but once you see it laid out on the page, it's hard to look away. I flaked on my english class today, which was weird. first time I've done that. these are my three teenaged students, my landlady's son and his cousins, who study in my living room twice a week. I dig them, and the class is only an hour, so it usually flies by. even when I'm exhausted, I usually get through it just fine. we changed the times this week, because lang, the 18 year old, just got a job. so now we're having class on saturday and sunday. and I think part of the trouble is, today I just didn't want to. but that's not all there is to it. it also had something to do with that book, and with something that's going on inside of me. we agreed to meet up at 6:30, after I'd come back from dinner. I headed over to cafe xayoh, which has great pizza, for a bit of a splurge. I sat there reading, drinking ice tea with fresh lime juice and eating mushroom-garlic-shallots-black olive pizza-- and I just couldn't make myself move. could. not. and something about the way kathe was sliding off the edge in the book was feeling perilously close to an edge I've at least felt with my toes lately. it's that close. and I don't really feel like I'm going over, but it's more like it's cathartic to watch someone else doing it, and to know that there are other people, fictional or no, who are at least as messy as you are inside. and I think part of what's so compelling about it is how self-aware she is, even as she's sliding completely out of control. oh yes, I've been there. so maybe that's why I flaked on my english class. that, and the fact that I knew I would be forgiven, seeing as how we just changed the schedule this week, and the kids are late most of the time anyway. I sat there in the restaurant, riveted as kathe went on a drunk and totally lost it, and I could not make myself move. I stayed there until darkness fell, which puts the time at somewhere past seven. then I finally got up and went home, thinking about how utterly not up to teaching I felt, and that I'd just apologize profusely and ask could we do it tomorrow instead. when I rode up on my motorbike, le' came out and said no study today. study two hours tomorrow, okay? okay. I apologized profusely. le' smiled. I breathed a sigh of relief. changed my clothes, practiced guitar, fed the cat, and headed out for a kickass massage. I'm going to have a really hard time giving up my weekly massages when I finally do leave this place. and now it's checking e-mail and then hanging out with noy for a bit. but really, I can't wait to get home to my book.
(((rings))) |