the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
my baby's got a secret... ~ May 28, 2003 - 10:35 p.m. tonight was a good night. johanna and I went to open mic night at a farang hangout called "sticky fingers". great food there, a bit pricey, but I'm willing to spend five bucks on a really nice meal once in a while. and open mic was fun. folks were blown away by my poetry, and there were some great musicians, and people I knew showed up, and everyone was just all about having a good time. and I picked up my CV from the printers today, and it looks great. now it's just all about finding a job. wish me luck. oh yes, and... this romance I seem to have fallen into with lao boy. it's pretty delicious. I like him, I really do. and it's funny. he doesn't seem like my type. except that I don't really seem to have a type. there is this one minor thing, being that he thinks it would be a great idea if we got married and he came back to america with me to work for a couple of years. get together enough money so that he can come back to lao and buy a taxi, which would allow him to live richly, here in lao. this is his plan. and I've told him, it's not my plan. I haven't met all that many people I thought I'd like to marry in my life. and he's not one of them. but I enjoy him, deeply, I do. the other thing, is the weirdness around the fact that it is, technically, illegal for us to be together. sexual relationships between foreigners and lao people are against the law unless they are married. and they can only marry with the consent of the government. and then there's lao mores, which are slowly shifting, but are still much more traditional than american mores, in regards to sexual relationships and the like. which all boils down to, we do a lot of sneaking around. because if one of my neighbors decided they didn't like what we're doing, we could be in trouble. he could, especially. I think this really worries him sometimes. he "spent the night" the other night... which really means that we slept for a while, and then he got up at 4 a.m. to go before my neighbors woke up. and I stumbled out, bleary-eyed in a thrown on sundress to walk him down to where he parks his tuk-tuk. these walks are part of our ritual, and really, I've come to like them. I'm less attached than I was to the idea of waking up next to him. he calls me when he's coming, and I meet him down the road I live on, the dirt road that runs along the mekong. we hold hands and walk along the river back to my house. the streets are usually empty and quiet that time of night. sometimes he puts his arm around me and says I am a white tourist! because lao people don't do that, in public. couples usually don't even hold hands. it's something he watches tourists doing and wishes he could do. funny, this communist country that's only been open to the outside world for less than ten years. after sex, we like to spend time downstairs on my patio under the house, where the breezes sometimes blow off the mekong. he lies in the hammock and I sit next to him, and we cuddle and talk and get to know each other. and when it's time, I walk him back down the road. and we hold hands, lean into each other, arms, around. we get his tuk-tuk and he drops me back at my house, and both of us glance up and down the empty road before we kiss goodnight and share some soft words. this is what romance looks like, in my life, at this moment. I'm enjoying it, I really am. delicious. sweet. and sometimes I spend ages on the corner where he parks when he's working. we talk and talk, teach each other words in our respective languages. the other tuk-tuk drivers tease us. is she your girlfriend? one of the drivers asked him, in lao. he looked up and saw my grin, and said she understands you, you know. in lao. and another driver, his friend, last night: lao men fan chao, baw? is he your boyfriend? a grin. I can't hide the smile, but I cover my mouth with my hand. the truth is I don't know if he's my boyfriend. I don't know what he is to me. but there is so much love between us, and we make each other happy, and I just giggle and cover my mouth. koy baw vow, I say. I could mean I'm not telling, I'm not talking, or I won't say. he knows what I mean. it's our secret. shhh.....
(((rings))) |