the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
some of the story of the night... ~ August 22, 2006 - 12:20 a.m. she and I talked on my lunch break, and she said she'd be my date for the show, and that I was welcome to spend the night. I kept smiling about that at random moments in my day. I am still so shy and skittish with her sometimes. I tend to assume she'll always be there with someone other than me, some other lover who takes precedence. I'm slowly beginning to believe that sometimes I get to be that lover. and it was me, and only me, she wanted to be with her at the show. I know how hard it's been for her since he got married. how it aches us both when his love walks into the room and we seem to disappear. me, of course, I've had more practice. it used to always be me, disappearing. but this tour his partner stayed home, and we got to be us, we got to be loved, and nobody at all had to disappear. he wrapped us in his arms and pulled us close, kissed us soundly, made sure we had what we needed and told us he loved us again and again. the show was beautiful, like they always are, and 12 galaxies even energetically managable on a sunday night. after, we went to a warehouse space with a sweet, loud, kinda crazy friend. there were circus folk and drinks and smoke and a long, heavy monologue from the crazy friend and riotous laughter at the end of it all. we curled on the couch, just us three, just like old times. we stood in the kitchen, wrapped warm and deep in each other's arms. all the memories, all our history came flooding back, and we knew that at the heart of it nothing has changed. all we've been through, all the years have brought between us, and still here we are, loving each other this simply, this deeply. nothing has changed, but everything has, and we stopped ourselves in time. we're not going to do anything to hurt anyone, I said, and we all knew it was true. we can't afford the burden of betrayal, can't earn his partner's enmity. and he's not the only one who loves her, after all. and so we hugged and kissed him goodnight, again and again. she and I drove across the bay and climbed into her bed. I fell asleep wrapped in her arms, her warm breath soft on my face. I am never as alone as I let myself believe.
(((rings))) |