my amazon wish list...
my favorite astrologer...
my favorite artist...
yerba mate revolution!
erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys...
no more war:
MoveOn.org
United for Peace and Justice
True Majority
seek the truth:
Common Dreams
Unamerican Activities
The Nation
people I adore, diaries I read:
rev.raikes
ariana
cubiclegirl
epiphany
glitter333
laurakay
wammo
the music:
the asylum street spankers
backyard tire fire
blue highway
bill camplin
wendy colonna
freedom tribe
joules graves
guy forsyth band
hamsa lila
hanuman
libby kirkpatrick
leftover salmon
pamela means
medeski martin & wood
the motet
the nice outfit
nickel creek
open road
rose polenzani
railroad earth
south austin jug band
string cheese incident
taarka
tha musemeant
the devil makes three
tim o'brien band
trolley
wild sage
keller williams
yonder mountain string band
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...the ones I love best...
the time of it ~
March 6, 2005 - 4:09 a.m.
it's been a difficult few days.
i'm putting it down to the time of the month and the time of the year, it being a dark hour of the soul both hormonally and seasonally.
i've been really emotional the past few days, crying at everything, aching with something like heartbreak, only missing the welcome prelude of being in love first.
it's better, though, than the numbness. i would rather be feeling pain than feeling nothing.
whenever i ask my crush how he is, he says "i'm okay." i want to wrap my arms around him and whisper in his ear dear one, what will it take to make you more than okay?
but this week i am knowing what he means. this week i am okay.
except when i'm not.
i spent some time today being not okay. i think i woke up badly. that's my guess. sometimes when i'm yanked out of the dreamworld suddenly, some doors are left open that should be closed in waking life.
and that hurts.
today it was crew scheduling calling me out of sleepyland, just calling to tell me about some flying i've got on monday.
and it being about 1:30 in the afternoon by then, i got up, made coffee, warmed up a muffin. crawled back into bed with coffee and muffin and book. i like to wake up with this on lazy winter mornings when i've got the time.
but there was no comfort for me today. i was wired with an emotion like fear, but nothing to pin it to. inability to simply breath and soothe, everything hurt.
around six thirty i crawled back into bed and took a three hour nap, sleeping hard and deep, and when i woke up my equilibrium was back.
so, the waking badly theory. i had to go back to sleep to put it all back into place.
but it's a hard time in general, k and i agreed, in a long chat this evening. we are all weary of winter. ready for change, even as we feel it coming.
and it is that time, of the month, of the season, of life and tides and history. one of those times.
i miss california.
previously... * and then...
(((rings)))
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