the old-school guestbook archives
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trying it on for size ~ December 24, 2003 - 1:55 a.m. it's not that I'm afraid. it's that sometimes I wonder if I should be afraid. and then sometimes I try afraid on for size, I wriggle around, burning my skin against it and wondering again, for a moment, what is real. what I know. is that this body of mine hurts. is that right now I feel like an old woman, and I've been doing nothing near strenuous enough to make me ache and waste the way I do. what I know is that each time I think I'm getting stronger, I get sick again. and I wonder, sometimes. I do wonder about that. but. there's this strange faith stirring in my ribcage-- strange because the faith itself is so powerful, a flexing muscle like the heart, and the body draped around it feels so frail. but I know that I am okay. this is my faith. this is my knowing, in this end of year time, full of more truths than I want to look at. it's no wonder my body aches, with all these years and years of truths piled up around me. some of them have sharp edges, and rusty bits from lack of use. I'm okay, this is what I believe, this is what carries me. it's just every so often. I wonder. if I should be afraid. and sometimes I try afraid on for size.
(((rings))) |