the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
what there is to love ~ October 8, 2003 - 4:38 a.m. there is still so much that I need to get a grip on, but I'm feeling a little more alive. karina and I have a standing date to do tuesday night meditation at the shambhala center, and it's good. the center is close to her house, so I walked down to her place to meet up. karina lives something like a half mile from my parents, and the funny thing is that they have the same address. both houses are 1915 of their respective streets, both right in the middle of the block. you could draw a straight line connecting them with a ruler. so I walked down there, and it was an astounding evening. it's been freezing cold since I've been in wisconsin, but today was gorgeous. and I didn't even know it until I left at 6:30 to meet karina and found that it was positively sultry. I mostly get back here at christmastime. I think it's been about six years since I've experienced a warm milwaukee night. and it reminded me that there are times when I actually like this city. on warm indian summer nights, the east side feels so alive. this is the college part of town, the university of wisconsin right across the street from my parents' house, and on warm nights the houses are bubbling with students, folks lounging on porches and balconies. the smell of autumn leaves blowing through on a warm breeze. everything feels soft and warm and open. so I had a delicious walk, down to karina's, and then a lovely time at the meditation center. sitting, and then tea and cookies, and then a talk with questions after. my favorite part was when the teacher said human heartedness is having the courage to live out our wisdom in our everyday lives. yeah. I've not been feeling so courageous as of late. mostly sick and wasted and an emotional wreck. but I'm getting there. afterwards, karina and I walked and walked and walked, and it was good. it was very good. we talked about all kinds of things, love and life and death and living. last sunday was the four-year anniversary of karina's partner's death from leukemia. they were together for four and a half years, and she cared for him all the way through it. more grown-up than anyone should have to be at the age of 26. and it frustrates her to still be grieving, four years later, but he was the love of her life, and she's never been able to replace the things he brought into her world. we talked about how grieving takes its own time. we talked and talked and talked. karina and I have known each other since we were fourteen, and so we have that ultimate easy comfort with each other, that deep understanding that only comes from history, from growing into adults with each other. we walked for miles, down along the shore of lake michigan and through the neighborhood of our childhoods. the neighborhood she's never left, and which I've come back to after all these years. I still ask myself every day what I'm doing here. but I'm starting to have answers, too. I'm resting, I'm healing, I'm getting a grip. reconnecting with my family, both blood and spirit. I'm working at building a life here I can live with, for now, until the road takes me on. and I'm walking these streets that have known so much of my growing, so many of my struggles. I'm finding what there is to love.
(((rings))) |