the old-school guestbook archives
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equinox blessings and buddhist teachers everywhere... ~ September 22, 2002 - 11:45 p.m. anyone else been feeling a little wacked lately? just teasing... everyone I know has been feeling a lot wacked. it's a powerful time... I don't even know what to tell you about last night's full moon. equinox. balance. I'm definitely feeling more balanced today than I have been. probably some combination of last night's meditations, equinoxian energy, and the fact that I went to go hear thich nhat hanh speak this morning, at kim son, the buddhist monastery not a mile down the road from here. that was good, that was very good. his talk was in vietnamese, with english translation via radio headsets, which got fuzzy and picked up country music at times, but it was still beautiful. he talked a lot about mindful communication, and that's something I've been thinking about a lot lately. I'm trying to make it my practice to communicate clearly and honestly in those situations where lack of words often create weirdness and misunderstanding. we hurt each other a lot with the things we don't say. it seems simple, but at the same time it's challenging. we are so trained, acculturated to a fundamental lack of clear communication. and it makes me feel extremely vulnerable sometimes, putting myself out there and saying here's where I'm at. there are times when it would be much more comfortable for me to remain silent. and when I get that feeling, it's usually a good indication that there's something that needs to be said. case in point: last weekend, I worked a little festival in boulder creek. saturday night, an acquaintance of mine offered crash space in his geodesic dome tent. I was exhausted and happy to take him up on it. he offered to share his bed, which is large, and I couldn't think of a good reason why not. I've known him in a hey-how-are-ya kinda way for years now, and I feel good around his energy. I knew he'd respect my boundaries. so we crawled into bed, and after a little while I realized that I was just too raw and tired to be in that close a proximity to someone else's energy. my first impulse was to stay where I was and ignore my discomfort until I finally fell asleep. my second impulse was to crawl out of bed without a word and set up my sleeping bag on the floor. but then I thought about how I would feel, if someone sent me that kind of non-verbal message. I'd wonder what I did wrong, and I might feel hurt, but I probably wouldn't ask what was up, and it would just be this weird thing. so I went with option three. I thought for a minute to compose in my head just what I wanted to express, and then I said something like: I'm realizing that I'm in too hypersensitive a space to be in such close proximity to someone else's energy, so I'm going to go sleep on the floor. but I don't want you to think that your energy is bad, or disturbing to me in some way. I've just been surrounded by other people's energy all day, and I need a little quiet space. and of course, he was totally cool with that. and he thanked me for being clear and communicative. and we each went to sleep in our own space, without some weird thing hanging between us. it felt like such a revelation. so, thich nhat hanh talked about that today, about the ways in which we can heal our relationships through conscious and mindful communication, and it was beautiful. most of the people there were vietnamese, and it was intense to realize that in just a handful of weeks I'll be in vietnam. when I left the monastery, I decided to walk back to mount madonna center, it being only a mile. and I knew there was a good chance that someone I knew would come by and give me a ride. so just as I got to the road, a car pulled up next to me, and the man in the car said "do you need a ride? are you going to mount madonna center?" so I happily accepted, it being sweltering hot today, and we talked a bit about my upcoming trip, and southeast asia, and what the weather would be like there now. he told me he'd spent a lot of time in that part of the world. and a few minutes later he dropped me at the center, and I realized I hadn't introduced myself, so I thanked him and gave him my sanskrit name-- and he said: you're welcome-- I'm jack kornfield. he being a serious buddhist teacher himself, who's been up at mount madonna giving a workshop this weekend. life just continues to fascinate me, you know? tomorrow I'm going to boulder creek to figure out what I'm doing about my bike.
(((rings))) |