the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
hungry ~ april 24, 2001 - 11:53 p.m. a strange day. hungry. cravings. I was restless all day. got woken up by the guy from the garage on the phone. a new alternator=lots of money. and he's still diagnosing the emissions problem, which could get really expensive. we're not even talking about the linkage problem. that can wait. it may take me five tries to shift into reverse, but how often do you use reverse anyway? but, so, I'm still stranded at the moment. stranded someplace beautiful, it's true, but today I was restless. I read in the hammock in the backyard for most of the morning-- another gorgeous day, and I was surrounded by woods and soft buzzing insects and wildflowers. restless. I started craving sweetness. I made myself a piece of toast with honey. not good enough. I wanted candy. the craving got more and more intense. I started thinking about all the things I'm craving right now, and the way in which I've distilled all of that hungry emptiness down to a desire for candy. just like when I was a kid, and I would run to the ben franklin as soon as I got my allowance. I am so full of cravings. it's hard to feel strong. it's hard to remember why it's so important for me to be strong. days like these I just wanna give up. I have noticed that when I crave sugar, it's because I want to feel loved. I crave sweetness, so I substitute one for another. I feel lonely lately, and not because ever is up on the mountain and ariana's up in berkeley but because I'm having trouble feeling the presence of the divine in my life. I feel like god has abandoned me, even though I know it's not so. I want to get back that feeling of being wound in light, of knowing that I was on a righteous path. mmm, so, yes, I'm feeling a little lost. I do have a whole lot of faith, if not much else. I'm hanging on. I got pat to drive me to the store and I bought a huge bag of cheap vegan-if-you-don't-mind-the-additives pseudo oreos and bunch of candy. came back here and ate sweet things until I was sick and wired. decided that, on the hierarchy of cravings, this is one of the less damaging ones. hungry, oh yes. lost. lonely. I can't tell you how much I'd like to get high right now.
(((rings))) |