the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
telling it like it is... ~ June 16, 2003 - 8:58 p.m. lately, all I seem to feel is exhaustion. I'm less open, less giving, less compassionate, less patient. I hear myself bellowing across the classroom in the middle of a review session, and my voice sounds hoarse, strident. my sinuses clog and drain, my glands swell and recede, my throat scratches and soothes. it feels like I will never be well again. like I will never feel good again. like I will never find love again. exhaustion. and the ringworm is just, really the living end. the two miniscule patches I found today add up to six. one is on my face, so I feel disgusting and have to constantly explain my condition to everyone. to the clerks in stores, even. I feel feverish sometimes, and I think dengue. why the hell not. my bathroom is disgusting, and I don't have the energy to clean it. my house has needed sweeping for about a month. my kitten is my saving grace-- thanks joe, you sweet kid. the new cat's name is taz, both because of his manic energy fits and because of hakim bey's book T.A.Z-- Temporary Autonomous Zone. he's an independent one, this new kitty. but he loves me, yes he does. I lost my buddha amulet this week. I'm still writing the exams I have to give tomorrow... I feel like I'm bluffing my way through appearing competent to teach. and I still don't know if I have a new job. exhaustion. I miss the sparkle I had when I first came here. I want to be in love with my life again. I know I will be, when I'm not just so damn tired. just telling it like it is. right now.
(((rings))) |