the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
the love space demands ~ April 28, 2002 - 2:09 a.m. silliness. I should so not still be up. my schedule always gets all out of wack on the weekends. and I didn't even get any work done tonight like I was going to. but what the hell. I came up to oakland, kind of spur-of-the-moment like, because I wanted to spend a little time with ariana. I've been craving contact with people who know me intimately lately. which I think is part of the reason why it upsets me when ever can't talk to me. up on the mountain, I'm surrounded by beautiful people who know very little about me. and I've been going through some pretty raw emotional territory lately. which has got me feeling kind of lonely. sometimes, you just want to be held by someone who knows your heart intimately. and ariana knows me better than almost anyone. and is finding her way back to our friendship after being swallowed whole by her relationship for a time. it feels so incredibly good to have her presence in my life again. and andre, her partner, is wonderful. I love coming up here to spend time with them both. so yes, I've been realizing there's been a certain amount of lonely lately. which echoes against the deeply lonely morass of the past winter, when I was stranded in san jose and entangled in an unhappy relationship. now that is lonely. so things are much improved. but there's still this quality of loneliness. which I know is transitional, and has a lot to do with the emotional stuff I'm grappling with lately. and you know? I just realized the other day that I am more or less loverless, for the first time in quite some time. and I'm feeling like that's a really good thing at the moment. right now I really need to be focused on my own needs and the healing process I'm somewhere in the middle of. but I can tell by my dreams that some part of me would really love to be held by someone new and special. would really love to be in love again. but whenever I think about getting involved with anyone on an intimate level, it just makes me feel tired. so, alone-time is feeling good. if a little lonely. and I know that a beautiful soul will wander into my life when I'm in a better space for it. for now I'm just trying to breathe deeply. to sit still. and singing songs to the moon.
(((rings))) |