the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
kisses sweeter than wine ~ march 31, 2001 - 8:52 p.m. ever left yesterday... ever? you wonder... derek changed his name. a new name, a new time, a new piece to the journey. everness suits him, it slid effortlessly off my tongue the first time I used it... ever, I love you... lips brushing his ear, sweaty bodies tangled together in that sweetwarm afterlovemaking place. knowing we'd made love for the last time, the last time for a long time, if not the last time for ever. for who knows about ever. ever. he's gone on a yoga retreat for six weeks, which is not a long time, but friday morning we both woke with the knowledge that there will never again be a time quite like the time we shared these past weeks. weeks shared in the sweet sunlight of new love, with the knowledge that he was going away, that things would never again be quite like this. a week and a half ago we both made a choice, an agreement so implicit that we didn't have to speak it aloud. let's make the most of this... and so we deferred our usual needs for autonomy and personal space, and for a week and a half we spent twenty-four hours a day together. it was like dreamtime, that week and a half, it stretched on forever, with long, full days flooded with sunshine. springtime in santa cruz. new love, tender hearts, hours and hours of deep soul kisses. I haven't kissed so much since I was a teenager, and it never got old. we walked through darkness together, too, went to deep and painful places, spent time in healing and holding each other. we've trusted eachother from the first time our eyes met across a fire, that night on the beach at moontribe. it's hard to say quite how we ended up in eachother's arms that night, it came so naturally. I know we'd been holding each other for hours by the time we first kissed. that everyone around us noticed how beautiful we were together, talked about our beauty. at some point we were sitting together, holding hands, and someone's big dog climbed up on our laps, flopped down and went to sleep. the first time I really saw you, you were dancing, he told me. the first time I saw him, he was laughing. we laughed together, eyes dancing across firelight, and that laughter and warmth drew me out of a dark place I'd been inhabiting like a night creature. we've known each other forever, this boy and I, if only for three weeks or so this time around. each day we'd wake up in his tent, tucked away in a bamboo grove, the best illegal campsite in all of santa cruz. we both like to make love in the morning, so we'd be warm and soft and easy by the time we rolled out of the tent and into the day. we never made plans, we'd just set out and see where the day took us. our days were long and full of adventures and love and beautiful people along the way. banana pancakes on the beach, naked bodies and sunshine. running laughing through the woods in the pogonip. my dream place. city hall oranges. david and I holding his hands, his anchors, his angels. so much beauty, so much truth. so much. we were quiet when I drove him up to the yoga center at mount madonna. a beautiful, peaceful place with woods and trails and the entire pajaro valley spread out below in the sunshine. we ate good vegan food at the center and carried his things down to his new room, the first room he's had in something like a year. he kept feeling the mattress on the bed. a real bed. he didn't even have a pillow before I moved into the tent and brought mine. it was time for me to go, and I was surprised at the tenderness in my chest, the hand which trembled just lightly when I touched his face, the tears in my eyes when we kissed. me, the girl who leaves for a living. it felt so good to feel so tender, so open. I let this boy so deep inside my heart, and he lives there still. we looked into each other's eyes for a long moment before we let go. so much between us, and all we could say was thank you. ever. thank you.
(((rings))) |