the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
makin' it so ~ August 17, 2006 - 10:20 p.m. again, I'm just so tired. I'm hoping that I'll hit my stride with this gig and not feel so wiped out by the end of the day. because, right now, I'm feeling like this gig may be a very good thing for me. they're paying me very well to do work I don't mind doing. and right now getting paid very well is feeling important. I want to get some financial ground under my feet. I want to pay back everyone I've ever owed money to. I want to buy a new bed. I want to go to nepal. I want a motorcycle. I want to join the climbing gym, which just installed a yoga studio. I want a printer/scanner/copier. I want an ipod to replace the one I lost on the way home from earthdance last year. I want things, but mostly I want the freedom money can give me, the positive change I can effect in my life given the resources. and I want to work for it. I'm glad I'm not attached to material things. I'm glad I can live on nearly nothing and be perfectly happy. I always want to be so easy with it, so non-attached. but I'm realizing that money is a thing that can help me get to where I need to be in my life. and getting to where I need to be is feeling more important all the time. part of what made this past spring and early summer so painful and difficult was knowing I'm not where I want to be yet, and feeling helpless to make it happen. I've lost the sense of helplessness. yes, it still feels overwhelmingly, outrageously huge-- this life I want for myself. but just right now, in spite of my exhaustion, in spite of all the obstacles, I'm feeling like the whole world can be within my reach if I'll only put the work in. sounds simple enough, right? doing my damndest to make it so.
(((rings))) |