the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
the world outside of my head ~ May 20, 2004 - 9:04 p.m. I've been away for so long. lately i've taken to calling it 'the black hole of non-communication,' not knowing how else to explain this last stretch of months. but i needed to, i guess. i had to essentialize. having so little energy, i dropped more or less everything not having to do with basic life suport. more or less. a time of hibernation, of reflection. assessment. and let's not forget, major life change. i got sick, real sick. a cold dragged on for about a month, and then escalated into a high-fever-uncontrollable-cough-sinus-infection nightmare that kept me in bed for most of a week. i think it was somewhere in there where i stopped writing. stopped communicating with the world, or even with my friends, any more than i had to. i just shut down all peripheral systems. but somewhere in there, something crazy happened. it began with an idea, an idea given to me by the strangest angel with a curly black wig and overblown lipstick, an idea which grew into an intention, which led to action and, ultimately, opportunity. an opportunity i took. and so now-- you're not going to believe this. i'm a flight attendant. no, seriously. more than five weeks of intensive training later, and i'm a flight attendant. i get paid to travel. i stay in nice hotels on the company dime. it's a part-time job with full-time benefits. i've got health, dental, the whole deal. and my travel benefits are insane. and i love it. that's the really funny part. i really love this job, so far. and it was time, i guess, for a bit of stability. after all these years on the road. and this is a form of stability i can stand; a job which involves flying away all the time. flying away from milwaukee. where i still live. and that, i don't know how to explain. except that i need to be here right now. need to be spending time with my family. need to be resting, and healing, in a place that knows me this well. and it's true, my health is still bad, and i don't yet have the full explanation for that. part of me wonders, in my darkest times, if i've come home to heal, or to die. and it's true that i miss california so much i can hardly think about it. but i'm still following my marching orders from the universe, such as they are, and every time i check in with my heart, i know this is still where i need to be. i'm coming out of it now, reaching out around me a bit. i went to a yoga class last night, for the first time in way too long. i called an old friend tonight, left a message saying hey, call me. and here i am, writing it all down. just like i did, once upon a time, what feels like a lifetime ago. and i'm a flight attendant. life is stranger than fiction.
(((rings))) |