the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
practice ~ april 4, 2001 - 10:26 p.m. I did something highly weird tonight. this woman who I met at a party of pat and stacie's invited me to an "introductory seminar" of The Landmark Forum. The Landmark Forum is a what EST (some pop psychology thing from the 70's) has evolved into. it was pretty surreal. they kept talking about all these amazing breakthroughs everyone has who does The Landmark Forum. everything they were talking about were things that are already pretty present in my life, and a lot of those things came about because of my spiritual practice. and buddhism gives it to me for free. these people wanted $375 for a three-day intensive. intensive what, they wouldn't say. they were extremely vague about what it is they actually do. they just kept promising these "breakthroughs". I was very polite. what I did take away from it was a reaffirmation of my need to focus on my spiritual practice at this point in my life. that message seems to be coming to me from all kinds of different directions. I think I'm going on a buddhist retreat for the month of july, up at vajrapani, the buddhist retreat center up in boulder creek. I just got an e-mail about it the other day, and it struck a chord. I've been looking for something like this. it means giving up the high sierra music festival this year, which is a pretty big sacrifice, but I know where my heart is leading me. this is one of the biggest challenges in my life, to follow my heart where it leads. it takes me to some pretty intense places. but it's always worthwhile. sometimes my heart scares the hell out of me. sometimes it's all I can do to sit still and listen and not run screaming from the room. I guess that's why they call it a practice. I practice meditation, I practice mindfulness, I practice stillness, I practice compassion, I practice quietness, I practice bodhichitta, I practice yoga, I practice listening to my heart. and in between I fall apart, over and over again. I practice letting myself fall apart. I practice being with fear, being with lonliness, being with insecurity and sadness and anger. I practice being with whatever is there, being in every moment, whatever that moment may contain. I practice not running away. I practice forgiving myself for the times I do. I practice being with whatever comes out of me and responding with love. I practice loving every particle of my being and I practice believing that I deserve it.
(((rings))) |