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my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band

...the ones I love best... screetching tires and the smell of her skin ~ February 7, 2005 - 12:00 a.m. you would think, 12 years past a major drinking problem, 1 year past my last relationship with marijuana, i'd have a clue how to support the people i love who are struggling with addiction. but i don't. not a clue. i was sure, today, that she was hungover. she looked it, smelled it, acted it. i will not assume, because i know how dangerous assumptions are. but the smell coming off her skin made my heart fall. because i want so badly to believe in her recovery. i know she's strong enough to win this fight. it's a question of how badly she wants to. how deep and dark her bottom has to get. i fear for her, i fear for her children. when i smell it on her skin, i hear the sound of screetching tires and crumpling metal. i'm afraid if she doesn't stop, she's going to die. and i can't talk to her about any of this. because of how we are. because of how it is. not unless she wants to talk to me. i feel so helpless, sitting here with my fear. wishing, hoping for the best possible outcome. but feeling so helpless. feeling it all just sliding through my fingers. i want to believe. previously... * and then... (((rings)))