the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
this one's special ~ October 9, 2007 - 12:51 a.m. we talked, and it was good. it's nearly always good when we talk. he got defensive at first, but then he really listened, and he really got it. he let me melt down, he let me be vulnerable, he listened to the deepest and most fearful whispers of my heart. this is the thing he does that amazes me more than anything. this boy, this utterly boyish boy is so completely there for me. more so, I think, than anyone has ever been there for me. and he lets me be completely, utterly vulnerable, and he loves me for it. most men who love me are drawn by my strength, and when they see me fall apart, it scares the shit out of them. nothing about me scares him. he loves me for all of who I am, every last humanly flawed bit of it. that's why. that's why it gets hard, knowing I can't hold on to this. I'm used to the whole loving-with-nonattachment thing, the universe has made dead sure I got that lesson good. but this one, this one's special. this is the kind of love it feels like I could do for the rest of my life. but I'm never going to get that chance. not with this one. this one, in the end, will be another lesson about letting go. but this one also shows me what's possible. lets me believe that I deserve to be loved like this. and i do believe that things end in order to make way for something better. and also I believe that I need to not be dwelling on the ending of this, not while we are still in it. and we are, we really truly are. and both of us learning so much from it. I guess I really can't ask for anything more than that. not right now, not with this one. but this one's special. he always will be.
(((rings))) |