the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
only way around is through ~ March 17, 2002 - 11:10 p.m. I didn't get the house in bonny doon. I just found out today, and it was hard. I had a really good day with jeffrey and his friend david, and then I found out about the house and everything inside me just kind of fell apart. I was a little too attached to the idea. and now I'm back in the place of having no idea where I'm going to go and what I'm going to do. and, dammit, I didn't want to be back in that place. I'm trying to remember to breathe and to know that everything happens the way it's supposed to. and it's funny, too, because corey and luna loved meeting me, and wanted me to move in. and then after they met with me, they found out that the folks who manage the property had decided on someone the day before and told them they could move in. corey left me a long message, and you could hear in his voice how much he didn't want to be giving me this news. and he told me that emotions were running pretty high over what happened. so I cried, and then jeffrey took me out for a vegan cupcake, and then I was feeling just so utterly emotionally wiped out that I decided I needed to go "home", back to ozone's house, and just wrap up in blankets and have some quiet time. I took a long nap, and now I'm awake again and trying to take care of myself. I'm heating up a piece of apple pie and getting ready to watch "the matrix" for the thousandth time. 'cause sometimes, just sometimes, that's exactly the kind of comfort you need. and I'm starting to feel like it's going to be okay, and reminding myself that these feelings are something I just need to go through. I'm releasing a lot right now, and it's all locked up in my body. I feel like an old woman. my neck froze up yesterday, and it feels like that stiffness is spreading through my whole body. I hurt. but I know this hurt is part of healing, and so. I remember to breathe. breathe, sister. just breathe.
(((rings))) |