the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
start on the inside, and work your way out ~ May 11, 2002 - 12:38 a.m. too late for me to be up, at least in terms of my current lifestyle. do you know, I'm losing my ability to sleep late? it's amazing. last time I crashed without setting an alarm, I was up by 8:30. luxurious, when you've been getting up at 6. I'm tired, so this'll just be a quick update. I've been spending some quality time with my diary tonight, reading through big chunks of the past year. what an incredible journey. I especially read through the whole journey of my relationship with ozone. what really strikes me is how much I didn't write about. and you know-- I think part of me was afraid to put into words just how bad things were between us, most of the time. because then, everyone would think I was crazy for staying. would mistake me for one of those low-self-esteem girls who can't seem to tear themselves away from a nasty situation. and you know, I think that's one of the biggest things I'm still processing about the whole thing. that I stayed. and why. what it meant to me to stay in something that was such a struggle. it's something I'm still working out, and I certainly don't have the words to give to it right now, but reading over the last year, I realize that it's more than likely something I just had to go through, on a whole lot of levels. sometime I'll sit down and tell you the whole story. just not right now. a bunch of us gathered in the tv room tonight and watched "life of brian". I don't think I've actually seen that movie since I was a kid. I loved it, again. and it was such fun. so good to laugh. I got my bus back today, too. I like my new mechanic. Rigor's, in watsonville, just down the mountain from us. he put in a new starter and adjusted the carbuerator, and it only cost me $150. I don't know when the last time is I had a car repair that cost me less than $200. can I just tell you how good it is to be making money of my own again? I didn't really appreciate my ability to do that until I found myself in the situation of being financially dependent on someone. someone who chose to support me, and yet managed to make me feel like shit about it at the same time. horrible situation. I never want to be financially dependent like that again. yeah, all roads seem to lead back to ozone, no matter what else I start out talking about. but not for long. I'm working my way out.
(((rings))) |