the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
the whole universe in our hands... ~ September 4, 2003 - 10:06 p.m. I'm hitting the intense piece of the fast, but that's feeling good. I'm in a good space for it. I was going to go down to the mountains tonight and catch the south austin jug band at henflings-- folks I liked when I heard them at strawberry. I wanted a chance to see them play, not just hear them the way you do when you're working a festival, and I wanted to kick back and dance. one last henflings show for the road. but. in the shower, preparing to leave, I realized that it was all just too ambitious for the space I'm in. that day two of a cleansing fast is a good time for quiet home space. not to mention that it's also day two of my moon. letting go of all kinds of things right now. yes. and then russell called. russell. such a long story there. too much to tell. someday I'll wind the whole tale, but let me tell you that russell is a dear friend, someone very important to my heart. we have been friends for a long time, and once upon a time, for about a year, we were lovers. once upon a time, russell broke my heart. our friendship survived it, but almost didn't survive 9/11. a sufi, among other things, russell found himself and his community under attack after that awful event. and couldn't find his way through the pain and betrayal to know, to remember, who I was and what our friendship meant. so we didn't talk for a long stretch. he lived his life and I lived mine, and every so often I felt an ache when I thought he was lost to me forever. and then, one day in lao, I was inspired to reach out. I sent him an e-mail which he replied to in depth and sensitivity and knowing-who-I-am. I started to cry in the internet cafe, letting myself feel, finally, the pain his absence from my life had been. and we've been e-mailing since then, and IMing, but this is the first time we've been able to connect in person on the phone. and it was good. we talked for something like a couple of hours, catching up on each other's lives. there was a small earthquake, literally, which shook up the livingroom in the middle of our conversation. tomorrow we're going to meet up for tea. he can empathize with the state of fasting, being an observer of ramadan. good, so good, the connections between people. when we are strong enough to reach through the veils and the strangenesses and find our way to each other's hearts, we hold the whole universe in our hands.
(((rings))) |