the old-school guestbook archives
my amazon wish list... my favorite astrologer... my favorite artist... yerba mate revolution! erowid: a travel guide for interior journeys... no more war: MoveOn.org United for Peace and Justice True Majority seek the truth: Common Dreams Unamerican Activities The Nation people I adore, diaries I read: rev.raikes ariana cubiclegirl epiphany glitter333 laurakay wammo the music: the asylum street spankers backyard tire fire blue highway bill camplin wendy colonna freedom tribe joules graves guy forsyth band hamsa lila hanuman libby kirkpatrick leftover salmon pamela means medeski martin & wood the motet the nice outfit nickel creek open road rose polenzani railroad earth south austin jug band string cheese incident taarka tha musemeant the devil makes three tim o'brien band trolley wild sage keller williams yonder mountain string band |
wishing myself well... ~ May 9, 2003 - 6:15 p.m. I feel as though I'm missing joy. and I know it's in part the sickness, the malaise that has been dragging me down for something more than a month now. but it feels like it's been so long since I've had a truly ecstatic experience, the kind that makes me throw back my head and laugh to the sky for the sheer joy of living. but I am learning, and maybe that's what this experience is about. I am learning so much. I'm tired of the sickness, though. and I don't know how to feel about the fact that I've thrown myself on the mercy of western medicine, in spite of the fact that it's rarely done a damn bit of good for me. but I guess I figured that rat-borne bacteria is one of those things which actually makes anti-biotics seem like a really good thing. and then there's the cough medicine, and I don't even know what that is, since I don't recognize the name... and I started on a new course of different antibiotics today, after 10 days of doxycycline... and then, of course, the valium. because I can't. freakin'. sleep. otherwise. because the fact is, I'm still sick. but also, it feels like I'm maybe a tiny bit better today than yesterday. and yesterday a bit better than the day before. and I'm remembering why I love teaching. and I'm starting to remember that I didn't always feel like this. I wasn't always so damn tired. anyway, that ramble, is just me trying to work out how it is I went from being vegan organic girl to being someone who pops several pills a day. but one day it will be over. one day I will be well again. may it be soon. no destination continues to be a very good read. the book is now cluttered with little bookmarks in the places that made me say yes! some gems from satish kumar: "An organic gardener like Lady Eve uses all waste such as weeds, autumn leaves and kitchen refuse in a compost, and recycles and transforms waste material into food for the soil. A seeker of spiritual wisdom can transform waste material such as anger, greed, lust, fear and pride into energy for the soul." "For myself, I consider myth to be more capable than history of encompassing the complexity of truth. History is merely the accumulation of facts. Truth includes intuitive, experiential and even irrational as well as rational aspects; fact is one aspect of the truth, but truth is greater than fact." wish me well.
(((rings))) |